Add-Ons
Image by Upjoke
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
Oil Change
During the COVID-19 shutdown, many businesses have altered their business hours, so I’ve had to find a different place to get my oil changed.
It was time, so I Googled around, found a garage close to me that fit my schedule, and stopped in. Being one of the only open garages in the area, they were very busy, so I parked my car, dropped off my keys in the office, and agreed to come back later in the day after they’d had time to service it.
A few hours later, my phone rang. It was the garage. They said that my car was ready for pick up and I could come to get it. I headed back to the garage, and upon arrival, noticed that my car was still on the lift in the garage. Puzzled, I put my anti-COVID-mask on, walked into the office, and asked them if my car was ready, and the technician said, “Yes. The oil change is done, but there are a few other things that I want to show you.”
“Okay. I said, eager to know if something was wrong.”
He pulled a piece of paper out of a plastic sleeve and began pointing at a long list of items on my car that needed to be replaced totaling hundreds of dollars. Little did he know that he had met his match. Being a compulsive fixer, I knew every inch of my car, what was wrong with it, and what wasn’t, so I listened politely and said, “Thanks for letting me know.” He stood there looking like he was waiting for a different answer (which he was) and I spoke into the awkward silence, “Should we go inside now"?”
“Yeah.” He said. “Let’s go inside and we’ll get you checked out.”
I followed him inside. He scanned a barcode on the sheet of paper and let me know the price. Yes. He had included all of the items that needed fixing and said, “So when can you come back to pick up your car?” I said, “I’d like to take it now, and I’d only like to pay for the oil change.”
He responded, “But sir, you have to get these things fixed! Your car won’t start and you’ll get a ticket if you get pulled over!”
“No,” I responded. “I don’t think so.”
“How’s that?” He asked.
I asked him for the list in his hand, and I went down the list item by item and told him when I’d had each item serviced last, and that I had also checked each of those items before I brought the car in earlier.
He squirmed a bit and said, “Well, the technician checked these items and said that they need to be replaced.” So I responded, “Well, since the car’s still on the lift, could we go take a look, and would you show me the parts that aren’t working?”
He said, “Well, we don’t have time to do that. We’re too busy.”
“But the car is still on the lift. Why not?” I asked.
He paused, gears turning in his head, then responded, “Why don’t we just ring up that oil change and if you want the other items fixed, you can come back later?”
“Sounds good.” I said.
They lowered the lift, pulled my car out of the garage and I checked all the items on the list. Not a single one of the things on the list needed to be replaced.
I started the vehicle, pulled to the edge of the lot, clicked on the turn signal (which was working just as it was supposed to) and headed home.
Institutional Mistrust
It’s difficult to trust an institution again after it has broken our trust. We experience it all the time in big and small ways. Whether it’s sketchy things being done with money on Wall Street or the garage on Main Street.
And the church is no less guilty of trying to slip “add-ons” into their “services.”
We hear, “We’d love to get to know you better, so fill out this card.” Only to find out later that it was a way to get our contact information plugged into a system of automated followups asking for donations.
“Join one of our groups. All are welcome. It’s all about relationships.” Only to find out later that if you’re gay, you are of course, “welcome,” but only as long as you’re willing to acknowledge that your orientation is sinful and that you want to change it.
“Yes. We’d love to do your wedding!” Only to find out later that your Jewish fiancé is expected to convert to Christianity before the ceremony can be performed.”
These “add-ons” are things we’ve come to expect from churches just like we do when getting out oil changed. Each time we hear the phrases, “All are welcome.” “We’d love to get to know you better.” or “It’s all about relationships.” the alarms go off and we ask to see the list, wanting to be sure that the items on it are actually what they say they are.
Now more than ever, I think that churches need to be crystal clear from the very first time someone walks in their doors or visits their website, rather than telling people what they want to hear, simply to keep them around for a bit longer.
The longer that we try to retain people with ambiguity, the more hurtful it is to them when they find out what we really believe. In my opinion, the church should be the most transparent institution on the face of the earth. Why? Because people aren’t stupid and they deserve our honesty. That’s what is good for the world. Trying to dupe people is the stuff of magic shows and parlor tricks, not the church.
If you’re a church leader, staff member, or even just a lowly parishioner, be courageous. Be polite, be open-minded, and be loving, but ask the hard questions of your leaders.
Unfortunately, we’re at a place in history where we can’t always expect them to answer the questions unless they’re asked. And the minute they begin answering, you’ll know whether or not you’re getting “add-ons.”
Selah.
Ryan Phipps is the Senior Minister at Church In Bethesda.
Raised in the church, becoming a pastor was the one thing Ryan vowed he would never do. After spending many years away from faith, he found that for all of its flaws, the church can still occupy a unique place of good in the world if it is willing to evolve with reason and empathy.
Ryan has a special place in his heart for those who have been damaged or disillusioned by the church, and longs to lead those within it toward a more just and generous expression of itself.